Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
