I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
