I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
wow bdsm is so cute
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
