no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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