someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
