So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
