White coat. Heels.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
