At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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