Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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