I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
