Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
