And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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