Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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