Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
