ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
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I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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