You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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