yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize