Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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