the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
