): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
