sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
please come you make the beer taste better
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
