DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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