No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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