He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
