oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
