that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
