Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
