I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
What a dumb baby whore.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
