she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
