I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
