My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
