The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize