This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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