now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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