She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
