my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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