i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Im part way to drunk.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
