If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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