Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
