A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
