Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
