Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
