Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
