You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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