Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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