hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
