mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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