I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize