Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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