Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
