Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
