Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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