I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
