you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
