I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
