So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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