We won't sleep together?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Boobs are out for the taking
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
