Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
