I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
