M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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